I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
