she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
