Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
