I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
