I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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