If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
