how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
