I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
