Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
