3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
