you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
