So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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