we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
