it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
