You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
