Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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