why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
