So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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