it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
