you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
