Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do herpes really smell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
