i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
