dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
