You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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