oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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