hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
