I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont even know how to be here
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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