Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
