Quick, to the slutcave!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
