this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
