my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
