I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
