please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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