What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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