some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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