It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
