I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
