there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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