So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
