OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
