I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
