he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
