five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
