she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
