hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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