maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
