just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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