yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
