so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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