The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
