OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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