Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
