I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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