That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
