i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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