i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
