So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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