Nicole vs. Life
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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