So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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