i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
