Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
