I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
