wanna go halves on a baby?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
