it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
