So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
