my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
