I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
