I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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