so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
