The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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