yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
