yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
