2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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