What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
