Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
