I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
