It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
