Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is wine microwaveable?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
