Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
