I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
