I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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