No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
