so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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