And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
