The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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