oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
