if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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