I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize