Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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